Blaine the Unicorn
by Princess Of Monaco
Summary: Charlie the Unicorn, Glee style! Let's go to Songbird Mountain, Blaine! You are the Warbler King! In the High School! Blaine... Teh Unicron?
1. Songbird Mountain

**Got bored. Figured I'd just go there for the heck of it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Charlie the Unicorn. **

–

"Hey, Blaine! Hey, Blaine, wake up."

"Yeah, Blaine, you silly sleepy head! Wake up!"

"Ugh," Blaine groaned as he lifted his face from the pillow to be greeted by the grinning faces of Wes and David. "Oh God, it's you guys. This had better be pretty freakin' important. Is Dalton on fire?"

"No, Blaine! We found a map! To Songbird Mountain! Songbird mountain, Blaine!" Wes pulled a piece of paper with purple and pink scribbles all over it to prove it.

"Yeah, Blaine! We're going to Songbird Mountain! Come with us, Blaine!" David urged.

"Yeah, Blaine! It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure, Blaine!"

Blaine stared at his so-called friends for a moment. They wake him up to go to a place that doesn't exist. Surprisingly, that sounded just like them. He glanced at the paper Wes held. It looked like it was finger painted by a kindergartener.

"Yeah, Songbird Mountain, right." Blaine rubbed eyes. "Guys, in case you haven't noticed, it's Saturday. People like to sleep in on Saturdays, especially me since I stayed up until midnight finishing that English report. I deserve more than five hours of sleep." He put his head back into the blissful softness of the pillow. Just go back to sleep, they'll go away...

"Noooooo, Blaine!" Wes climbed onto Blaine's bed and started jumping up and down violently. "You have to come with us to Songbird Mountain!"

"Yeah, Blaine! Songbird Mountain! It's a land of songs and joy. And joyness."

"Please stop jumping on me," Blaine grunted, muffled by the pillow as Wes moved to jump on Blaine's back. "You're going to snap my spine."

"Songbird Mountain, Blaine!"

"Yeah, Songbird Mountain!"

"Alright fine!" Blaine growled harshly. He knew they wouldn't leave him alone otherwise. "I'll go with you to Songbird Mountain!"

–

As they walked through the halls, Wes and David began to loudly sing _Teenage Dream_. Not only that, but it was butchered and severely out of tune. There was a reason he was the lead singer and not either of them.

"Okay! Enough with the singing already," Blaine snapped as they entered the cafeteria. A migraine was coming on...

"Our first stop is over there, Blaine!" Wes pointed to the garbage cans. He and David rushed over to one and peered inside. Blaine blanched when he looked inside as well.

"Oh God, what is _that_?"

"It's yesterday's lunch, Blaine!" Wes smiled as he appeared unfazed by the contents.

"_Magical_ yesterday's lunch!" David corrected with a wide grin on his face.

"It's going to guide our way to Songbird Mountain!"

"Okay, guys?" Blaine backed away from the trash to avoid puking. "You do know there's no _actual_ Songbird Mountain, right? And that you're just insane?"

"Shun the nonbeliever!" Wes exclaimed.

"Shuuuuuun!"

"Shuuuuuuuuuuuaaaauuunnnn-a!"

"Yeah," Blaine deadpanned. Suddenly, a gurgling came from the depths of the garbage can Blaine had no interest in looking back into. The bubbly squirting sounds alone were enough to make him nauseous.

"It has spoken!"

"It has told us the waaay!"

"It didn't _say_ anything! It's regurgitated chicken breast!" Blaine called after the two as they headed onwards. "It doesn't _talk_!"

–

"It's just down this Teacher's Hallway, Blaine!" Wes stated as he headed down the hallway, followed by David.

"This magical Teacher's Hallway, of hope and wonder!"

"Does anyone else feel like they're being watched?" Blaine asked, paranoid. He looked at all of the paintings whose eyes seemed to be following them. "This is the _Teacher's_ Hallway! I don't think we should be here!"

"Blaine! Blaaaaaine! Blaaaaaaiiiiiiiine! Blaaaa—"

"I'm_ right behind you_, Wes! What do you want?" Blaine interrupted in a jumpy way.

"We're breaking the rules, Blaine!"

–

"We're here!"

"Well, what do you know. There actually is a Songbird Mountain." Blaine stared at the banner that proclaimed so. It was rather suspicious, being a wall covered in a bunch of cut out birds and musical notes slanted around a door that Blaine was pretty sure led to a closet. But at least the way the decorations were slanted made it look like a flat mountain.

"Songbird Mountain! Songbird Mountain! You fill me with sweet, melodic goodness!" Wes skipped around in a circle, probably high off of sniffing markers.

"Go inside the Songbird Mountain Cave, Blaine!" David persuaded, gesturing to the door.

"Yeah, Blaine! Go inside the cave! Magical wonders that will behold when you enter!"

"Thanks, but no thanks. It's 5:30am on a Saturday and I'd really like to go back to sleep, so..." Blaine tried to inch away.

"But you _have_ to enter the Songbird Mountain Songbird Cave, Blaine!"

Music started to pipe out of nowhere. A line of boys Blaine knew to be Warblers appeared from around a nearby corner, each dressed up as a letter. They spelt the word "Songbird" which was, in itself, creepy. But then the "D" stepped out and started _singing _with the other letters dancing backup.

_Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up!_

_Then just head right on up to the Songbird Mountain Cave!_

"_Kurt_?"

_When you get inside you'll find yourself a cheery land!_

_It's a happy and joyfilled and perky, merry land!_

"This can't be happening."

_They've got Lady GaGa, The Band Perry, and harmonic things!_

_Oh so many things that will brighten up your day!_

_It's impossible to wear a frown in Songbird Town!_

_It's the Mecca of Love, the Songbird Cave!_

"I need a Valium. Or two."

_They've got Nickelback and Ke$ha with more talent!_

_Barbra Streisand, Katy Perry, it's a wonderland of notes!_

_Ride the Songbird train to town and hear the Warblers!_

_Sleigh bells, it's a treat as they march across the land!_

"Make that three."

_Lyric ribbons stream across the sky into the ground_

_Turn around, it astounds!_

_It's a dancing canary tree!_

"Someone shoot me. Please."

_In the Songbird cave imagination runs so free!_

_So now, Blaine, will you please go into the cave?_

With a poof of smoke, the letters had disappeared. Blaine coughed and swatted at the smoke as Wes and David, who had joined the dancing Letter-Warblers, returned to his side.

"Ugh, okay. I'll go into the Songbird Cave!" Blaine surrendered as he opened the door. Just a pitch black walk-in closet. He went in, leaving the door open. "This had better be good."

Blaine heard laughter from behind him.

"Goodbye, Blaine!"

"Yeah, goodbye Blaine!"

"Goodbye? What are you guys talk—" They shut the closet door and locked it from the outside. "What? Hey! Not funny!" The movement of clothes hangers alerted Blaine. "Hello? Who's there?"

–

"Ow... ugh. What happened?" Blaine sat up and ran a hand through his hair. Was that all a dream? He looked about him. Everything looked normal... except... his eyes fell on his bedside table.

"They took my twelve page English report!"

–

**But Mrs. Meadows! Wes and David stole my homework!**

**Don't think she'll buy it. Oh well! Poor Blaine.**

**I may or may not do the sequel and threequel. Depends on the reception from this, I guess. And how much I'm in need of a break from doing my own 12 pg English report. Writing this when I should be doing that. *facepalm***

**Completely un-beta'd. I take full credit for mistakes and plot holes and screw ups and "Oh my god, that story was horrible". **


	2. Warbler King

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Charlie the Unicorn. I do, however, own my own boredom that brought this about.**

–

"Glub Glub. Glub Glub. Glub Glub."

"Hrrrrrk...shhhh...hrrrrrrk...shhhh..."

"Look over there, it's a coral reef!"

Blaine stopped strumming his guitar. His feet dangled of his bed as he looked over at his two friends and stared for a moment. "Oh look. It's you guys again. And you're crawling on the floor. Why?"

"Blaine! We're scuba diving, Blaine!" Wes said from the floor. He continued to slide around on his stomach.

"We're exploring the depths of the ocean blue!" David added. He was on his back doing an odd snow angel motion.

"Oh no!" Wes exclaimed. "Here comes a school of poisonous Foogoo Fish!" He pointed to the empty space at the foot of Blaine's bed, the side of which they were currently on the floor by.

"No! Foogoo!"

"Yeah... Watch out for those..." Blaine rolled his eyes. He might as well humor them, it's not like they were going to cause him bodily harm or anything. "So can you go away? I'm trying to get this song right." He strummed his guitar again.

A burst of light erupted from under Blaine's bed. He nearly dropped his guitar as he pulled his legs up away from it.

"The Vortex is open!"

"Oh, God. Okay, start explaining!" Blaine whimpered.

"Blaine, we're being pulled into the Vortex!" Wes cried as he and David slowly slid under Blaine's bed.

"Swim away, Foogoo Fish! Swim away!"

"Okay, guys! I'm officially terrified! Knock it off now..." Blaine swallowed.

"There's no stopping the Vortex, Blaine!"

"Foooogooooo!" David cried as both were pulled under at last. The light went out immediately. Moments passed and Blaine became more panicky than before.

"Guys?" he tried. Nothing. "Good ol' pals?" he tried again. Still nothing. "Mentally unstable friends of mine? I'm really not sure what to call you..." The light returned and Blaine nearly fell off the bed because of it. Wes' upper body returned from under the bed. He was holding a cage.

"Blaine! Blaine! I've got the Bird!"

"What bird! What's happening!"

"The Bird, Blaine! The magical Bird! Chirp Chirp!" Wes flailed.

"Chirp!" David was seen and heard for just a moment before being pulled back under.

"The Biiiird! Nyeh! Nyeh!" Wes struggled as he was pulled back under. The light disappeared once more, leaving Blaine more spooked than ever.

The light flashed for a final time as Wes and David climbed out from under the bed, triumphant. They stood before Blaine's shocked figure with smiles on their faces. Wes was holding the cage with a bird inside.

"We did it!"

"We got the Bird!"

"Great! Now go away!" Blaine shooed them. "I'm tired of the horrible things that happen when you guys act high!"

"No, Blaine!"

"Nooo!" David cried. They both started to spit gibberish as they seemed to blow up like a balloon. Blaine blinked and they were completely normal. Must've just been a trick of the light.

"We've got to get the Bird to the Warbler King!"

"Right, the Warbler King. Wouldn't that be one of you two considering you're on the Warbler Council?"

"He's counting on us, Blaine!" David plowed on as though Blaine had said nothing. He fell to the floor and started making a snow angel again.

"If we don't get the Bird to the Warbler King, the Vortex will open and let out a thousand years of songlessness!" Wes prophesied sinisterly with David backing him up.

"Noooo! Songlessness!" The light under the bed flashed on again and started to growl and scream.

"Alright!" Blaine yelled, "I'll go! Make it stop!" The light flashed off while Wes and David cheered for no songlessness.

–

Wes and David walked through the halls with Blaine in tow. The two boys started whistling to each other, as though it were a language. Blaine felt an intense sense of d_éjà vu as the migraine returned._

_"____What__ are you guys doing?" Blaine asked, exasperated. The two glanced briefly at him before continuing their whistle language. Blaine groaned._

_"Stop that!"_

_Wes got in one more whistle, watching Blaine facepalm at the idiocy of his friends._

_–_

_Wes, David, and Blaine entered the Administrators' Office. Unfortunately for Blaine, there was absolutely no one there. He wondered if that was even legal._

_Wes and David went up to the intercom and pressed buttons. _

_"Guys, get away from that!" Blaine scolded. A button they pressed caused the interface to light up. They cheered._

_"_El hombre del sombrero nos envió!" Wes _said__into__the__intercom._

_"_Nos contó muchas historias asombrosas!" David added.

_Blaine stared at them as they laughed. He wasn't aware either of them were taking Spanish. "Uh, in English, please?"_

_"_Vamos a cenar esta noche sobre las tortugas!"

"Se ven buenos ellos, Intercom!" Wes pieced together. The intercom short-circuited at the horrible translation. Wes and David simply laughed.

_"You guys broke it!" Blaine yelled. "Now the Headmaster is going to roast all of us!"_

_"_Siento feliz," David added as an afterthought. They laughed as they headed out of the office.

"Just keep walking, Blaine... It'll all be over soon... Keep walking..."

–

"Hop on board the train, Blaine."

"It's going to take us to the Warbler King!"

Blaine stared. There was no train here, that's for sure. He looked left and right, expecting to see something else. "I don't see a train. All I see is a toilet. Why are we in this stall, anyway?"

"It's the Choo Choo Loo, Blaine!" Wes smiled a Cheshire grin.

"The Choo Choo Looooo!" David mimicked the grin.

"Hurry, Blaine, it's about to leave!" And like the crazy people they are, Wes and David both sat down on the toilet lid and started chanting "chugga chugga".

"Okay, sure. I forgot my boarding pass, I'll just go ahead and walk..."

–

"We're here, Blaine!"

"The Temple of the Warbler King!"

"Right. The Practice Room, of course. Let's leave the Bird and go watch TV," Blaine suggested. He glanced around the practice room. His eyes fell upon a Santa hat. His eyes traveled lower to be greeted with brown hair, a forehead, and glasz colored eyes._ The rest was hidden by the couch. Blaine just stared at it for a moment. _

"... Who is that?" He was greeted with silence. "No. No, really. You guys see it, right? Over there?" More silence. They continued to stare at each other. "Wes? David? Getting creeped out here. Someone say something."

And, cue music. Of course.

___Blaine you look quite down_

___With your big fat eyes and your big fat frown_

___The world doesn't have to be so grey!_

The person slowly stood up from behind the couch. Blaine groaned. Not again.

"Kurt, dammit! Stop doing everything they tell you to!"

___Blaine when your life's a mess,_

___When feeling blue, always in distress,_

___I know what can wash that sad away!_

Kurt strolled over to Blaine, who noticed Wes and David had conveniently disappeared. Bastards.

___All you have to is..._

___Put a Warbler in your ear!_

"A Warbler in my ear!"

All of the Warblers jumped out from behind furniture, including Wes and David. They swayed while Kurt danced around Blaine, still singing.

___Put a nice ol' Warbler right into your favorite ear!_

___It's true!_

"Says who!"

___So true!_

___Once it's in your gloom will disappear!_

___The bad in the world is hard to hear,_

___When in your ear a Warbler cheers!_

___So go and put a Warbler in your ear!_

The Warblers joined in with Kurt as one big mass of singing about doing crazy things. While they danced crazily, too, to add to the situation.

___Put a Warbler in your ear!_

"I'd rather keep my ear clear!"

___You will never be happy if you live your life in fear!_

Blaine ignored his skipping heart when Kurt clung to his arm in an almost desperate way.

___It's true!_

"Says you!"

___So true!_

___When it's in the skies are bright and clear!_

___Oh every day of every year_

___The sun shines bright in this big blue sphere!_

___So go and put a Warbler in your _

___Eeeeeeeeeeeaarr!_

Kurt let go of Blaine for the last note that he alone held. He walked backwards to join the other Warblers and with a puff of smoke, they all vanished.

"Of course, they burst into smoke."

Wes, who had somehow managed to return to Blaine's side, opened the cage that held the Bird. "Go forth, Magical Birdie! Return to the Warbler King!" The canary fluttered out of the cage and zipped around the practice room once before landing on Blaine's shoulder. "Blaine! You're the Warbler King!"

"What! Hey!" Blaine was shoved towards the council desk by Wes and David. "Stop it!"

"You're the Warbler King, Blaine!" shouted a random Warbler that had climbed out from behind a potted plant.

"No I'm not! That doesn't even make sense!"

"All hail the Warbler King!" Wes cheered. Other Warblers started climbing out from behind places as well, cheering.

"I'm not the Warbler King!" Blaine snapped as he was shoved on top of the council's table.

"You are the Warbler King!"

"No! No! I'm... I'm..." He was drowned out by the cheers of the Warblers. A crown was placed on his head as the canary still rested on his shoulder. "I'm... I am the Warbler King..."

"Yay!" David and Wes clapped.

"You are the Warbler King!"

"I'm the Warbler King! Yeah!" Blaine looked over at the canary for a moment. His Bird! He was the Warbler King! He turned back to the room to find it empty. "I—Hey. Where'd you guys go!" Blaine looked around frantically. "Guys? Can someone get me down from here?"

The canary flew off his shoulder and out the ajar door. Beneath him, the table started to crack before it finally collapsed, leaving Blaine sprawled across the floor with the crown flying somewhere under a chair.

"My spine!"

–

Blaine walked back to his room through the quiet and completely empty halls. He sighed at how boring Dalton could be when it wanted to be.

"Hello? Hello? Anyone there at all?" No answer.

He opened the door to his room and stepped inside.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me! Just great! They robbed me!"

All that was left in the room was the standard furniture to Dalton Dorms: bed—no sheets—and a dresser, empty.

A light came on under the bed and Wes' upper body appeared. "BLAINE!"

"What! What more could you possibly take from me!" Blaine growled.

Wes stared at his "friend" for a moment.

And he whistled before he vanished along with the light.

–

**Sequel, done. Again, unbeta'd. Don't have anyone to do it for me, so I take full credit for all mistakes, etc. I plan on doing the threequel. It's weekend, what else can I do?**

**And like the fangirl I am, I can't go without mentioning Kurt at some point in time.**


	3. In the High School

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Charlie the Unicorn, you should know this...**

* * *

Blaine walked through the halls after a long day of lessons. Warbler practice was inexplicably canceled, leaving Blaine and all the other Warblers to do what they pleased. Life was good.

"Blaaaine," said a ghostly voice. Blaine looked about.

"Hello? Is someone there?" There was no one in the hallway. He heard his name being called again. "Who are you? Do you want something?" No answer. He sighed and kept walking.

Out of a closet Blaine was just about to pass came Wes and David, dressed in a strange robot getup.

"Blaine!"

"OH GOD! Okay... yeah! Give me a heart attack, that's fine."

"We're from the future, Blaine!" Wes proclaimed.

"I'm sure." Blaine tried to keep walking, but was blocked by the pair of them.

"The world is in peril!" David shrieked.

"All that is good has been consumed by evil!" Wes added.

"The end is...nyeeeehhh!" David and Wes started to be enveloped in smoke. The smoke filled the hallway and Blaine saw sights of tentacles, enlarged Weses and Davids, ghostly and electronic screaming. The smoke cleared with a flash and Wes and David stood before him as they did before.

"That was the scariest thing I've ever seen."

"Come with us to the future!" Wes suggested.

"We need your help to finish our Mannequin!"

"Mannequin? As in clothing? Don't you want to ask Kurt for something like that?" Blaine laughed.

"There's no time to explain!" Wes cut across Blaine's confusion babble.

"Grab on to our fishing hooks!"

"WHAT!" It was too late; Blaine's cheeks were bombarded with two fishing hooks on a line attached to a fishing pole in each of their hands. "Ow! That's _painful_, you know!"

They tugged him into the closet (more pain!) where the closet's light flickered for a moment before Wes and David burst out of the closet along with Blaine, who had carefully removed the hooks. Strangely, neither of the boys were wearing their robot suits anymore.

"Blaine, we're here!"

"In the future!" David blew a party blower.

Blaine looked back and forth down the empty hall. "It looks exactly the same!"

"Shhh!" Wes scolded. "You'll wake the Oomu!"

Blaine looked at his not-so-much-friends-as-much-as-tormenters. "What's an Oomu?"

"We need to get to the river!" whispered David.

"And we've got to be sneaky!" Wes started to do a strange noodle dance.

"We've got to be sneaky, Blaine!" David mimicked the dance.

"Sneaky!"

"Yeah, there's no way I can do that with my elbows," Blaine said, staring at the way the both dislocated it and popped it back in over and over to give it the effect of being boneless.

"Oh no! Listen!" David said, looking behind him at the emptiness.

"The Oomu has awoken!" Wes shouted. "Run!" The ran the opposite way. Blaine looked down the hall they were running from and saw nothing unusual. He sighed and followed them as they ran.

"Hurry! Look out for the Yam-Yams!"

"They're everywhere!"

"...What am I missing here?" Blaine asked as they exited the school and into the parking lot.

"Narshlogs! Coming in from above!"

"Evasive maneuvers!" David fell to the gravel and started scurrying on all fours. His hands must hurt, those rocks weren't exactly smooth.

"Blaine! Look out for the Blehblehbleh!" Wes warned as they quickly made their way to David's car. Blaine opted to say nothing about David's car being painted a shocking yellow and decorated like a duck. It wasn't worth the effort.

Wes climbed in passenger as David quickly took the driver's.

"Blaine! Get in the duck! The Blehblehblehs are right behind us!" Wes pointed. They hadn't closed their doors yet, frightened for their friend.

"I think I'll take my chances with the Umpoos and the... the Wah-Wahs..."

"Oh no! A Narshlog has got Blaine!" David stepped out of the seat.

"Quickly! Grab onto our fishing hooks!" The fishing poles appeared again and Blaine's cheeks were once again hit with the hooks as though he were a guppy.

"Oh OW! Again with the fishing hooks!"

* * *

Blaine sat in the middle of the back seat with his arms folded. They were heading down a highway Blaine thought he knew from some past life.

"Ring Ring," Wes sang.

"Hello?" David answered.

"Ring Ring."

"Hello?"

It went on. Blaine's migraine came back in full force before he just couldn't take it anymore.

"Ring Ring."

"He can't talk on his phone while driving!" Blaine snapped. David parked the car after what seemed like forever since they started.

"Time to go!" Wes sang.

"Into a teenager's Living Hell!"

"Wait, what?" Blaine looked outside and paled. "No! I can't—hey!" Wes and David pulled him out of the back seat and half-dragged him towards the school. "They'll slushie us and throw us in dumpsters! We can't go in there!" They were fast approaching a group of threatening football players.

"Ring Ring!" Wes started in again.

"Hello?"

"Ring Ring!"

"No! Seriously, guys! They're going to kill us!" Blaine struggled harder as they got closer and closer to the football players, who were conveniently positioned around a dumpster. "What does this have to do with mannequins?"

They dragged him past the jocks, who didn't even glance their way, and towards the main school building.

"See, Blaine! Look!"

"This is where we hid the Mannequin!" David used one of his arms to continue to support Blaine and the other to point to the building.

"Y-yeah. To save the world, right? God," Blaine tried to run a hand through his hair, but couldn't due to his arms being firmly held by the two boys. He looked back at the football players, who were now staring at them intently. "I'm not even going to ask how I'm still in one piece. Because you know, in a way, I've already been ripped to pieces and get stomped on daily by you guys, my eternal punishment."

"You're like a constant downer, huh?"

* * *

"To get to the Mannequin, we first need to pass... _The DOOR_!" David introduced the front door to the school grandly.

"The _Door_!" Wes backed him up.

"The Door?" Blaine quirked an eyebrow.

"Th-The Door!" David quivered at its power.

"It's just a door, guys. Look, people are going in and out as we speak."

"The Door is everything," Wes started. He was picked up by David.

"All that once was and all that will be!"

"The Door controls time and space!"

"Love and death!"

"The Door can see into your _mind_!" Wes leaned towards Blaine.

"The Door can see into your _soul_!" David did the same.

Blaine stared in awe at the main entrance. "The Door can really do all of that?" He was slightly intimidated now.

"Haha, no."

* * *

They walked through the halls. They had somehow managed to stumble into yet another completely barren hallway.

"We're almost there, Blaine!" Wes urged, just in front of him. "It's right at the end of this—OH MY GOD, A SLUT!" The cheerleader sashayed down the hall from the other end, coming towards them. Wes and David followed her with their eyes, not moving a muscle. Once she turned the corner they relaxed and kept walking.

"Just a few more steps and we'll—OH MY GOD, IT'S A SNOB!" Another Cheerio, this time with her nose held high strutted down the hall.

"Snob of Death!" Wes and David did the same thing as last time, follow with only their eyes. "She's gonna kill us!" They started walking again once she turned out of the hall. She made no motion of having heard David.

"It's right up ahead now!" Wes continued. "You can see the—OH MY GOD, IT'S A—"

"Stop it! Stop it!" Blaine yelled, interrupting Wes. "I don't care about each and every person you see! I don't care about what stereotype they fall into!"

"But Blaine... they care about you!"

Music piped out of nowhere once more. Blaine's eyes began to tear up at the pain he's inflicted with day after day. "No... No! _No_!"

_Wheeeen_

_You're feeling all alone_

_The world's a drone_

_And nobody's shown_

_Any love to you!_

"Kurt, you can pull off a lot of looks. I honestly can't decide if Mix-and-Match is adorable or just... wrong."

_Wheeeen_

_Your heart is cold as stone_

_Just change your tone!_

_Get rid of that groan_

_And the world will, too!_

"Probably going to go with 'wrong'."

_'Cause Class Clowns..._

A boy dressed in a literal clown outfit danced down the hall. "Love you!"

_Skaters..._

A boy on a skateboard zoomed down the hall. "Love you!"

_Nerdy Gossip_

"I LOVE YOU!" shouted a boy with a distracting afro before running away.

_You know it's true!_

Kurt led Blaine down another hallway by taking his wrist.

_Loners..._

"Love you..." came the faint reply from no where.

_Delinquents..._

A burly boy with a mohawk strolled over with his hands in his pockets. Blaine was positive his name was Puckerman."Love you."

_Gle—_

Rachel had just been coming down the hall when that afro boy came back and shoved her aside. "NERDY GOSSIP REALLY LOVES YOU!"

_In the high school!_

Kurt continued as though nothing had happened. They slipped down another hallway. The only person there was the wheelchaired kid, Artie. Kurt stood silently by Blaine as Artie took over the reigns and began to rap.

_Druggies, Hippies, Gangsters, Yuppies_

_Prep boys, Frat boys, Weirdos, Tom boys_

_Clones, Punks, Metrosexuals_

_Teacher's Pet, Drop outs, Freaky, Innocent, Valley girls_

_Drama Geeks, Art Geeks, Skinheads, Band Geeks_

_White trash, Cheerleaders, Hoes, Emo, Bullies_

_Goths, Dweebs, Social Butterflies_

_Slackers, Hackers, Cutters, Wanna Be's!_

The rap was over, and Kurt tugged Blaine down a different hallway (seriously, was this place more confusing than Dalton or something?) and resumed his song.

_Weeeell_

_You can ignore this plea_

_That's fine with me_

_But one day, you'll see_

_That my words are true!_

"Please stop singing to me!" Blaine whimpered as he was pulled down a more populated hall.

_But iiiif_

_You find that you agree_

_I guarantee_

_That you will soon be_

_Feeling the love, too!_

People looked their way in confusion before Kurt dragged Blaine (nearly kicking and screaming at this point) down _another_ hallway.

_'Cause Class Clowns..._

The boy in the clown outfit came back. "Love you!"

_Skaters..._

The skateboard boy came back too, this time wall riding the lockers. "Love you!"

_Nerdy Gossip_

"I WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER!" cried the poor afro boy.

_You know it's true!_

_Loners..._

"Love you..." again, the reply came from absolutely nowhere and was barely heard.

_Delinquents..._

"Love ya." Puckerman seemed to be there for another reason as well: Intimidating anyone who even thought of making a comment or being violent. This song was going to last whether Blaine or anyone else wanted it to or not.

_Glee Cl—_

Again, Rachel tried, but was pushed out of the way by the afro boy. "NERDY GOSSIP! LOVE ME, LOVE ME!"

_In the high schooool!_

With the large and purple poof of smoke, Kurt had vanished. Blaine didn't even bother coughing or waving the smoke away. The students stared for a moment longer before going back to their business.

"And there he goes again," Blaine sighed. He looked around and saw a glass door leading to a room. In the room was what appeared to be a person. Blaine went inside to get a closer look and saw that it was a mannequin wearing a Dalton Uniform. "Hey guys! Found the Mannequin!" Wes and David were gone. "What did you want me to do?"

Gas started to pipe into the room. "Oh, of course. Sleeping gas. I should've expected this."

* * *

"Oh... Ow..." Blaine's eyes flickered open. "Where am I?" He looked around. He was surrounded by clothes. Clothes. They were everywhere. Was he in a closet? Or worse: The GAP?

He sat up and saw the Mannequin. "Oh, hey, there it—What the?" The Mannequin's hair wasn't as plastic as it used to be...

Blaine patted his head. _No hair_.

"OH GOD! GUYS! Really? What did this accomplish? MY HAIR! It's—" Blaine's eyes fell to the Mannequin's hands.

"Oh look, my English report."

* * *

**That was hell. Doing that song was just... Nngh. I still get this feeling that it didn't flow the way it should've. But hey, I'm not Darren Criss; I don't write songs.**

**I'm debating whether or not to do an epilogue to explain the madness, or just leave it where it is. Suggestions would be mucho appreciated. **


	4. Blaine teh Unicron

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. Or Charlie teh Unicron.**

* * *

"Hey, Blaine! Hey, Blaine, wake up."

_Not again. Anything but going through it again._

"Blaine... sleepy head! Wake up!"

_No... I refuse to go through such blatant torture twice!_

"Blaine. Get up."

_No, Wes. No, David. I'm not getting up under any circumstances._

"I'm not Wes _or_ David! Blaine Anderson, wake up before I hit you with a frying pan!"

Blaine groaned as his eyes flickered open. He wouldn't remember these moments later in the day; that's the way the Human brain was wired. Not quite awake, yet not asleep any longer. Just hovering in between. Not day, not night... but Twilight. Amazing how some of the deepest thoughts occur during this time, not to be remembered when the sun rises.

And then Twilight was over like that, not a moment too soon, but still far too late. Blaine said the same thing when he went to see the movie with his sister.

"...Hey Kurt," Blaine greeted hoarsely. "What are you doing in my Dorm room?"

"Well, gee," Kurt said, the sarcasm dripping from his voice. He even put a finger to his chin to feign deep thought. "It's only noon and everyone was wondering where you went. I figured I'd check out your room and lo and behold! You're still asleep! Get up, Blaine. Your teachers are pissed."

"Noon?" Blaine's voice cracked with the realization. "But... how?"

"You sleep too much," Kurt shrugged. He popped a Skittle into his mouth and chewed on it thoughtfully. Somewhere in the back of Blaine's mind, he wondered why Kurt of all people was eating candy. "_I_ could never sleep until noon. That's half the day wasted."

"Even you'd sleep until noon if you'd been roughed up by the people you used to called friends. _Thrice_."

"I guess so," Kurt dismissed. He ate another skittle. "I'm sorry about that, by the way. It was fun while it lasted. I only wish there was more we could do."

"Don't wish anything like that! Wes and David have ears like owls, man!" Blaine sat up immediately and grabbed the front of Kurt's blazer. He was deranged and wide eyed. "They'll come up with something on the spot! They'll make my life hell for another day because you wished there was something more! Don't you realize what you've done!"

The door burst open.

"Blaine! Blaine!" came the familiar cry.

"I'd say that I absolutely despise you, Kurt Hummel, but I'd be lying. I just strongly dislike you at this point in time."

"I think I'll live. Watching this play out is too much fun." Kurt gave Blaine a quick pat on the head before moving out of his reach to observe.

Blaine looked at Wes and David as they came up to his bed. "What horrors are in store, now?"

"We've got to go. We're burning this place down."

Just as David said those words, a raging fire showed itself in the hall. The boys had thoughtfully left the door ajar so it could be seen. Blaine blinked for a moment, as did Kurt. He obviously wasn't in on this one. Good, that left more room for revenge.

"So... what about all the boys in Dalton?" Blaine asked in response to the fire.

"Well, clearly they're going to burn a lot!" Wes laughed. David looked at him with a furrowed brow.

"That's not very nice."

"Man shut the _hell_ up!" Wes did a good diva attitude impression.

"You shut the _hell_ up!" David did a better one.

"No, you shut the _hell_ up!"

"You guys can both go and shut the hell up!" Blaine shouted. He wished he were in Twilight right now. His sister said the same thing when she dragged him to see the movie with her.

"I'm not talking to you, Blaine!" Wes turned the attitude on him now.

"RAINBOWS!" Kurt cried from the corner and threw the Skittles at them as though it was holy water and they were Demons. It was silent for a full minute before hysterical laughter broke among them. When it died down and everyone had wiped the tears away, it was Wes that spoke.

"We should get going."

"Yes, you should," Blaine managed, trying to catch his breath. Wes looked at him funny, as did David.

"No, _we_, Blaine. All of us. Let's go!" Wes and David grabbed Blaine's arms and pulled him out of the bed. Blaine tried to grip anything with his legs and yell for help, but no one seemed to hear. Or care. And so they dragged him out of the room and in the direction away from the fire, with Kurt on their tails.

* * *

"Holy crap, we're on the roof."

And they were. All four of them.

"Oh God! I'm falling! I had so much to live foooor!" David shouted as he fell off.

All three of them.

"That's... unfortunate," Kurt said. He looked like he meant it, too.

"Not as unfortunate as your face!" Wes dissed.

"Oh, come on Wes. Completely uncalled for," Blaine stepped in.

"Your face is uncalled for!"

"Hey guys!" David waved, back on the roof with them.

"Where the hell have you been?" Wes yelled like a wife to a husband..

"Oh, you know. Saw a movie. Got some coffee."

"I want to see a movie! Did you think of getting _me_ some coffee?" Wes looked close to tears at this point.

"I could watch _Harry Potter_ again," Blaine pitched in. He wanted Wes to win this, because they might get something out of it. Such as being able to go back to sleep.

"I could go for a Nonfat Mocha," Kurt followed Blaine's lead. Now that he was on the receiving end of stupidity, it wasn't as fun.

"Well you can't come, you sons of bitches!"

* * *

"Hey, look, it's that goody-two-shoes Warbler Council punk."

"He owes me twenty bucks!"

"Hey, Thad!" Wes yelled, going gangster. "Yo, Thad!" Thad was lying on a couch and was pale as a sheet. He was still in his pajamas, like Blaine, but for a completely different reason. He looked like he could use some Pepto and soon.

"_Urrghanaaahh_," Thad groaned. His stomach pitched in with a well-placed grumble of stomach acid.

"...What the hell did he just say?" Wes asked David.

"Man, I have no idea."

"_Blurrrgaaannhh,"_ Thad tried again, rolling over with the effort. Kurt thought it wise to take a step back. Blaine noticed and looked at Thad again. He took a step back, too.

"Where's my money, Thad?" David asked again.

"_Garrmmaah-aahh,_" Thad ended with a sound that was almost like tiny screaming. His stomach was definitely upset, and he looked ready and willing to puke on anything. But before he could, they were suddenly surrounded by orange and yellow flames.

"Oh crap. Fire's back," Wes stated.

"I want my twenty bucks, Thad!" David continued. They'd run later.

And Thad was on fire. It was oddly poetic in Blaine's mind, to see a friend burning and being too crippled to put it out himself.

"Oh no. Thad's on fire," David said with a smothered laugh.

"_Aaargaahhhhaahhhrah!_" Definitely painful sounds. Couldn't place whether or not if it was because of the stomach or fire, though.

"Stop, drop, and roll, man!"

* * *

"Well, here we are. In the courtyard."

"This is lovely!" Kurt beamed. They were looking down at the courtyard from the top of the steps. With a light blanket of snow, it really was a quaint place. "This a lovely place to eat lunch."

"Yep, yep. Should be nice," Wes conceded. Odd. "Except for the _killer bees_!"

Silence as they all stared at where Wes was pointing. Quiet. No movement. No one even blinked. They sat there for a full thirty seconds. Finally, Wes spoke, "There was suppose to be a swarm of killer bees there."

"Oh." Blaine really had no idea how to respond to that.

"We put a deposit down and everything!" David was pissed.

"Yeah, well, there's no bees there," Blaine said, still at a loss. Who buys bees to set loose in a school courtyard? Not only did that risk expulsion, but explaining it would be a disaster. _Well, Headmaster, you see... My friends—more like the cause of my death, really—are absolutely insane and tried to torture me further than they did before with taking my homework and robbing me and shaving my head, you know?_

Like anyone would believe that.

"I can see that, obviously!" Wes was pissed, too, now.

And like a grenade being thrown, a bee's nest landed by their feet. Even Wes and David jumped.

"Oh my God!"

"Oh, that scared the crap outta me."

"Well, there's the bees," David shrugged.

"Yep," Blaine agreed. They all stared at the nest.

"Behold the horror," Wes deadpanned.

"That is pretty scary," Kurt muttered. And just like that, bee upon bee upon bee flooded out of the nest to form a swarm around them. They scattered, each being followed by at least a hundred bees. They screamed and yelled and tried to take cover from the stings. And no one had any idea if they were allergic.

* * *

"Phew, good thing neither of us were allergic!" Kurt laughed. He earned a nice whack on the shoulder from Blaine, but they both laughed afterward. There was no sign of Wes or David. It was a nice moment of peace in their hectic lives at Dalton Academy, surrounded by mentally unstable teenage boys. It was an amazement to them all that none of them had been raped. Yet.

"Yeah..." Blaine scratched the back of his head. He still expected to feel hair. Beautiful, beautiful, insanely curly and hard to take care of hair.

"Why do you still have that on?" Kurt asked.

"Have what on?"

"The scalp cap," Kurt shook his head at Blaine's complete lack of attention to things going on around him. "The thing on your head covering your hair. You should take it off now."

Blaine looked at Kurt with wide eyes. He took in the words that were said and slowly, slowly reached up to his head. He was almost there now, just to see if Kurt was telling the truth. He was sure that he wasn't, why should he even bother humoring him?

"You're taking too long!" Kurt lunged at Blaine and took off what felt like a hat. Blaine shook his head violently and felt his unruly hair fall. He had to blink away the tears. As much as he hated combing through and gelling his hair intensely everyday, it's true that you don't know what you have until it's gone. Kurt seemed to pick up on Blaine's unstable emotions.

"You didn't think I'd really arrange cut off all of your sexy hair and put it on a mannequin, did you?" Kurt quirked a brow. Blaine noticed the "I". And Blaine just knew.

And Blaine kissed him. At first, Kurt was surprised, but melted like butter. Blaine was thanking him for everything. Everything. For taking him to a fake mountain closet to steal his homework, for calling him the Warbler King to rob him of his belongings (which he bought anew), for dragging him two hours to McKinley just to sing to him and rub it in the faces of everyone there, for faking the death of his hair, for being cunning enough to pin it on Wes and David. He loved that devious little bastard.

When they broke apart, Kurt was smiling. "Happy Birthday."

"Birthday?" Blaine screwed up his face in thought. It couldn't be his birthday, right?

"April Fools'!" Kurt cheered. Blaine was even more confused.

"That's not until tomorrow! Has this whole thing been an April Fools' joke?"

"No. I'm just messing with you. I did it because I see you, day after day, acting so... _robotic_. Wes and David, too. So I put a little something into Thad's chicken ("You didn't!") and made him sick so as to get this just right. Besides, it allowed for Warbler Practice to be canceled, which was a much needed break all around."

When Kurt finished his tale, Blaine wanted to kiss him again. And he would have, if a bus hadn't been crashed into the wall of the classroom they had taken refuge in. Both had fallen out of their seats by the time Wes poked his head out.

"Hey guys!"

David poked his head out, too. "We just stole this bus!"

Blaine shook the debris out of his hair. Explaining this would be much harder than explaining the killer bees that were still wreaking havoc on anyone in the courtyard. "Why did you steal a bus!"

Both of them got out of the bus, but it was Wes who answered. "Who cares? GOD!"

"I have an idea, what if we all made out?" David's suggestion was met with blank stares. "Well _fine_!"

"Blaine, we've got to find the Warbler King."

"The Warbler King?" Blaine thought they'd been through this already. Wasn't he...?

"That dude is trouble! We're going to kill him!" David assured.

"I'd rather not get involved!" Blaine started to sweat. With the gleams in their eyes, he was sure they were serious. He could already map his escape—to Canada!

"Oh, you're involved alri—!" The bus exploded beside them. "HOLY JESUS!" They were on the floor in various brace positions as the bus and the roof started to fall in on them. Luckily, it stopped before it caved in completely. All of them looked up and had a silent agreement to _get out of there_.

Wes made it to the door first and opened it to be greeted with vibrant flames.

"Woah!" Blaine shouted, jumping back.

"No way!" David laughed.

"That crap's still burning!" Wes laughed with him. He shut the door and the roof whined at the mistreatment. Kurt and Blaine gulped, but Wes and David were still laughing.

"Okay, I think we can can this mission a success, boys!" Kurt smiled weakly, trying to get them to take this seriously. "You can be normal again!"

Wes looked at him funny. "Not sure what you're talking about."

"Me neither," David pitched in. They stood in silence for a moment. The roof continued to cave in inch by inch. Blaine was about to jump into the fire to get away from there when Wes went over to where the bus _used_ to be.

"I'm hungry, let's find an Ihop." And he went through the hole with everyone else on his heels.

* * *

**Yay for major damage to Dalton! **

**In case you didn't catch it, this is Charlie teh Unicron episodes 1 and 2 mixed together with explanations and a little Klaine love in there. I honestly couldn't resist. And so, I bid you all adieu with this lovely and liberating story. It was fun while it lasted, but now I must return to more important matters. I hope you enjoyed Blaine the/teh Unicorn/Unicron!**

**~ _Official Stamp of K. K. Mitsu_ ~**


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